I have a question for you: would you allow your spouse to sleep with someone else if he/she threatened to abandon you if you objected?
You are surprised by this direct and rather inappropriate question, aren’t you? If I force you to respond, probably most of you will vehemently shake your heads. Some of you may even give me a dirty look. But that’s ok, I guess. As long as I am not in front of you, I have no reasons to worry.
I asked you the question because earlier this week, I found someone who did that. It’s a woman. Her name is Maria-Louise Warne, and she is 57. I got to know about her from an article on Daily Mail. And she did that just to save her relationship with a man four years younger.
When I pulled into the drive of his pretty three-bedroom detached cottage, the door opened and my 53-year-old tall, dark and handsome boyfriend [Tim Rochdi] greeted me with open arms.
We walked towards his huge, warm kitchen, arm-in-arm — yet the moment I passed over the threshold I froze at the sight of an attractive 20-something woman sitting brazenly at Tim’s kitchen table.
Calmly, I sat down and tried to make polite conversation while they finished a bottle of wine. I tried not to react when the young woman, Lucy, brushed her hand up and down his arm.”
Maria-Louise, a successful career woman, did not object to Tim’s relationship with Lucy. You may wonder why she would put up with such disgusting behaviour from a man who claims to love her. (Read the full article)
Let’s find the answer in her own words:
The honest truth is that as a woman in my late 50s, I no longer feel I can. Desperate not to be alone, I have to accept a relationship on any terms offered to me. At my age, the brutal truth is that I feel I can’t afford to be choosy. It’s sad, but true.
Two years on, we’re still together. For six years now, I have been in the most significant, loving relationship of my life with Tim. We’re a couple, but in order for us to exist as such, I must allow him to sleep with whoever he likes whenever he likes. At 57, my chances of finding anyone else are so remote that I’ve no choice but to accept it.”
Would you agree to stay in a marriage even if your spouse makes it crystal clear that fidelity is out of question? Probably no. But Maria does. She has decided to be with Tim despite the fact that she loathes his young girlfriend, Lucy. It is also clear from her words that she thinks that if she dumps Tim, she won’t be able to find anyone “as good as him”.
Is it really possible that if Maria leaves Tim, she won’t get anyone as good as him?
You may think I am judging the woman, who, according to the article, was a virgin until she was 51 and she was married twice before she met Tim. Worse, both her husbands had refused to have sex with her. In such a situation, people do act out of desperation, and hold on to undeserving people and situations.
But as a handwriting analyst, my point is that she is allowing herself to stay in an abusive relationship. Why abusive? Because fidelity is one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. Tim is blatantly unfaithful. And that makes the relationship abusive.
In graphology, or handwriting analysis, Maria is a classic example of a person with terribly low self-esteem. We have noted in an earlier article that a person with low-self esteem hardly finds good qualities in himself and is always self-critical. Normally, such a person has no problem being treated as a doormat. You abuse them and they will lick your feet.
This is exactly what Maria is doing. But she is forgetting some crucial truths about people and their personalities: If you allow yourself to be treated as a doormat, you cannot expect to be respected at any point in time. If you take loads of shit in situation, thinking you won’t ever get to be in a better situation, you are underestimating yourself.
It’s important to know here that though Maria’s response to an abusive situation is unique, low self-esteem issues could influence lives in many other ways. In India, for example, many women – even educated ones – are regularly beaten up or verbally and sexually abused by their husbands. But very few of them dare to speak up or protest effectively. In other words, the crux of the problems related to low self-esteem lies in a person’s resignation to the fact that abuse is ‘part of life’ and that it is ‘unavoidable’.
Now, it’s time to find out what are the key indicators of a low self-esteem in handwriting. There are two, in fact:
1. Low t-bar in handwriting
In handwriting analysis, a low self-image is revealed by a t-bar placed on the lower half of the t-stem. (See the circled letter in the picture) The low t-bar reveals that the writer does not have a great amount of ego strength about himself. Such a writer hardly finds good qualities in himself and is always self-critical, which erodes one’s sense of personal worth.
According to my experience as a handwriting analyst, low self-esteem almost convinces you that good things are not meant for you and therefore you should stick to whatever you have. In fact, people with low self-esteem often hear an ominous voice in their heads, which says they are “lucky to have whatever they have”. Read in detail a previous article on handwriting analysis and low-self-esteem, and how to boost your self-esteem easily.
2. Small capital letters
This is another crucial indicator of a low self-esteem. In this case, a capital letter in a word has the same height as those of other small letters. Small capital letters indicate that the writer does feels uncomfortable with changes and he does not have the courage to protest and assert his rights. They take things lying down without realising that they no longer control their own lives because they have handed over the power to others.
The effects of low self-esteem are more severe if the capital I has been written in lower case. This means that the writer has almost lost his sense of identity and he does not even know what his potentials are. The writer fears change and he shudders at the thought of starting afresh. Perhaps this is exactly how Maria thinks; she does not want to start afresh.
She ends the article with:
Things are back to normal between us and we’re a proper couple now, albeit one harbouring a rather tawdry secret. I cherish having someone to hold my hand and tell me he loves me. What he does when he’s not with me I would rather not know. Instead, I focus on our future: sitting on the terrace of our new home that I built for us, growing old together. After all — what other choice do I have?”
I wish Maria all the luck and happiness. But the question I want to raise as a handwriting analyst is: Is Maria just delaying the inevitable? Only time will answer that, I guess.
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