“Move on, darling. I know you are in pain, but there is no point remembering your abusive husband. This New Year, make sure those unpleasant days do not revisit you in your memories. Let some new things happen to you. Forget that bastard and the hellish relationship you had…” This is what a friend of mine recently advised her cousin, Shipra, who got divorced two years ago after staying in a “horrible and torturous” marriage for about eight months.

I am sure you are interested in Shipra’s sad story. But you will have to wait because there will be a brief interruption. First, let me wish you a very happy New Year! I hope you had a great time on New Year. For many of us, it’s time for resolutions aimed at improving our lives, as the beginning of every new year enables us to take an imaginary leap from the past to a “fresher” present and look forward to a “brighter” future. My friend wanted to make use of the occasion and therefore advised her cousin to forget her past and free herself from the shackles of unpleasant experiences that left her writhing in pain once upon a time.

Well, my friend was being sensible and she has been exhibiting her sagacity in this case ever since Shipra got divorced. But no amount of sound advice was of any help to Shipra who promised to bring herself out of those “traumatic” experiences but has consistently failed. Why, she did not know. Every time she was alone, she would find herself replaying in her mind the violent movie featuring herself and her ex-husband. Shilpra told my friend she had no feelings left for her ex-husband but could not help thinking about the "terrible" period of her life.

As a handwriting analyst, I have met many Shipras for whom the idea of “leaving the dirty past behind and moving on” is glamorous. They do want to slough off bitter memories and move on, but are caught in the cobweb of yesteryears. In other words, they do delete unwanted files but don’t empty the recycle bin. Instead, they visit the bin very often to have a look at the old files. Things that went horribly wrong in the past frequently haunt them in solitude. A bad childhood, a failed marriage, an abusive relationship, broken trust, an insulting boss, a heart-breaking loss… the list goes on. Indubitably, nasty experiences leave a musty taste that stays in the mouth of those who refuse to rinse. The question is which mouthwash is good and how to use them for good results. Let’s figure it out.

People, who don’t have criminal tendencies and are not sufficiently motivated to eliminate the factors or people that caused the pain, respond to such acerbic experiences in two ways: First, they develop defence mechanisms to deal with all subsequent pain. For instance, children of excessively critical parents become too sensitive and defensive. Any criticism or negative comment — real or imaginative — is like salt on their open wound (reflected by loops in small case t’s and d’s). Similarly, a girl, who was sexually abused, stops trusting people (shown by narrow loops in y’s and g’s and disconnected letters) in order to avoid any possible physical intimacy that she believes will “surely” put her in the same “horrible” situation.

The second reaction to a nasty past can be called the Shipra response — an uncontrollable disposition to keep unpleasant memories at beck and call and unambiguously order them to cause pain to oneself. In every free moment, people like Shipra take a dip into their past and come out with a heavy feeling. The agony associated with the past notwithstanding, they want to relive those days, feel the pain and surprisingly make little effort to give up the regressive tendency. Apparently, such people are carrying emotional baggage from the past. Well, there is nothing wrong with this inclination to live in the past as long as you really enjoy it. But I am sure you will want to change the attitude when you understand that the habit is screwing up your future. Do you want to see how? Read on…

Recently, I met a 34-year-old who told me he was unable to forget his girlfriend who married someone else about three years ago. He was unable to get himself to like any other girl with a view to make her his life partner. A college student told me she feels too scared of her teachers because many years ago a tutor molested her and even threatened to kill her if she ever reported the matter to the her parents. A woman told me she had walked out of her one-year-old marriage because of her violent husband, but she still revisits those frightful moments in her memory and is unable to commit to new relationships though she wants to. In the handwritten letter a reader, whom I will call Annie, sent me many months ago, you will see she has been facing a similar problem. Annie’s handwriting showed she was an utterly confused girl because she had put herself into many things at the same time and was unable to give a satisfactory direction to her emotional energy. (Read her letter — Page I & Page II.)

In the handwriting of all four, there were two things in common: one, they were all high-pressure writers, which showed they had indelible memory. Two, they wrote with an extremely narrow left margin (less than one inch). See Annie’s handwritten letter for reference. Graphology says the writing on an unruled paper should ideally have one-inch margin on the left. If it’s breached, it signifies that the writer is unable to resolve his past issues and is still struggling with them. In fact, you will be surprised to know that according to a graphological calculation, the measurement of the breach into the left margin corresponds to the time when the troubling issues cropped up in the writer’s life.

In graphology, there are many elements in handwriting which reflect a writer’s subjugation to the past — narrow left margin is one of the most common. Learned men have said we must draw lessons from the past, but never live in it. I agree with them, Mr & Ms Eternal Porter, that it’s necessary to dump the past emotional baggage. The unburdening will not ensure a smoother ride for the rest of your life; instead, it will help you reserve your strength to carry fresh baggage the life arranges for you from time to time. Makes sense?

Now, it’s solution time, brought to you by graphotherapy. For 21 days at a stretch, start writing exactly one inch from the left edge of the paper and go all the way to one inch from the right edge. If you do this exercise for 10 minutes every day, it would help you dump the emotional baggage from the past. Renowned handwriting analyst Joan Belzer says, “Maybe the memories will not be completely forgotten [after you do the exercise], but they will be closed.” Try it once; it’s one of the most powerful handwriting exercises in graphotherapy.

Are you wondering what happened to Shipra? Well, I don’t know much about her. I am expected to meet her next month. Will tell you how it went. By the way, Annie is now married and she is settled abroad. I had recommended the same exercise to her. She was gracious enough to send me this note a few months later:

"Thanks, Vishwas. It [the exercise] did help. I see things clearly now. I’m married now and I’m determined to make things work well. I won’t allow the past or any trace of it to interfere with the present and the future. Thanks again for your help. It helped me BIG TIME "

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