Like laziness, commitment-phobia is not difficult to find around us. Very few people know that the term, which refers to avoidance of long-term partnership and/or marriage, was coined in the popular self-help book, Men Who Can’t Love, in 1987. But Following criticisms of the perceived sexist idea that only men were commitment phobic, the authors provided a more gender balanced model of commitment phobia in a later work, He’s Scared, She’s Scared.
Commitment phobia is a great stumbling block as far as relationships are concerned. Being in a relationship with a commitment-phobic is similar to driving a vehicle in neutral. The relationship hardly moves forward. Generally, commitment-phobic people say they want a lasting romantic attachment, but they fail. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitment-phobic partner seeks what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical hunger creates a dreadful reality.
Commitment phobia is also known as a fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitment-phobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape. This fear can make simple every day decisions into a tremendous burden. Often, commitment-phobics are prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners without notice.
One potentially misleading aspect of commitment-phobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is not the only one with a problem. In fact, commitment-phobic behavior includes “settling” for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationship mergers as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitment-phobic.
Bart Baggett, president of Handwriting University International, USA, says: “You may even be living together, but still you are missing that sense of initiation that comes with truly knowing that the person is committed to you with all his/her heart and soul. When you try to bring the subject of taking your relationship to the next level, your partner behaves as if discussing a future with you is not that important.”
Caution or commitment phobia in handwriting is often represented as a long dash that streaks out from the end of a lower case a, e or c. These little strokes forward almost resemble “roadblocks” that give the writer time to pause and assess the situation before he or she makes a move.
Bart points out: “If your partner displays this trait, then there is a chance that he or she is probably just cautious in all aspects of her life and the hold-up may not be something personal to do with you. The person may just need time to process and analyze their feelings than others. Usually, this is because they have been hurt before.”
There are many other traits which indicate someone is more “gun-shy” than impulsive. Those primary traits include FA/AB writer, wide spacing between words, and narrow skinny lower loops. All these issue affect commitment in various ways.
© 2010 – 2011, Write Choice. All rights reserved.
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