The first Friday of 2023 was just four days away, but John wished he could skip the intervening days and jump straightaway to the weekend. After all, he was going to meet his three close friends and their spouses for the first time since the arrival of Covid-19 in early 2020. The plan was made nearly six months in advance, and he had told his wife, Amber, about it.
The resort they were going to check into for the weekend was just three hours away from where John lived, while his friends were coming from Europe and the US. Everything was planned, and two of them were arriving on Monday itself.
That very morning Amber dropped a bomb. She said she won’t be able to make it because she was supposed to be at an off-site event planned “at the last minute” by her boss.
John was upset, but not as suprised. He had a feeling that she would find a way to wriggle out of it. “Can’t you please wangle just one weekend off for this? It’s important, you know that,” he pleaded.
“Sujay [her boss] has made it clear to everyone that this off-site is not be missed,” she replied innocently, despite knowing very well that Sujay would not have insisted on her joining the off-site if only she had informed him that the offsite days were clashing with the plans made by John.
An argument ensued, like always, but there was no breakthrough. The stalemate continued, And John went to meet his friends alone.
This was not the first time Amber had undermined John and his family. She had done it several times in the past. The last time it happened was when John’s family was planning a surprise party for his birthday, and Amber intentionally revealed the plan to him before the party.
A partner who undermines
When a relationship involves one partner undermining the other, it can be detrimental to the relationship’s health and overall happiness.
Undermining behavior refers to any action or word that goes against the other person’s best interests or relationships. Undermining can come in many forms, such as withholding information, spreading negative rumors, or belittling the other person’s achievements. In the context of a marriage or relationship, undermining can be particularly damaging because it erodes trust and intimacy.
Undermining behaviours can vary, but the common element is that the wife’s actions or words work against her husband’s interests, desires, or relationships.
It’s important to recognise at this point that this behaviour is not limited to one gender or the other, and both men and women can display behaviours that undermine their partners. But for the purpose of this article, we are focusing only on one side, especially because it’s mostly the woman who needs to move to her husband’s house and adopt the name of his family.
Some possible reasons why some women may undermine their husbands include:
Insecurity: A wife who feels insecure in her relationship may undermine her husband to feel more in control and to boost her self-esteem.
Power struggle: In some cases, a wife may feel that her husband holds more power in the relationship or is more successful, and may try to undermine him to regain a sense of control.
Control issues: A wife may try to undermine her husband if she feels that he is not meeting her expectations or needs, and she wants to exert control over the relationship.
Past trauma: A wife who has experienced trauma or abuse in the past may display behaviors that undermine her husband as a way of coping with her unresolved issues.
Variations the way the first name and the surname (family name) are written in signatures give insightful information about the writer’s relationship with the family. According to signature analysis, a woman who writes the husband’s name in the second line gives very little priority or importance to the her husband and his family.
Overemphasis of the surname usually indicates family pride or a feeling of prestige and preoccupation with status, whereas its appearance in the scond line means that the writer, consciously or unconsciously, feels detached or wants to feel detatched from his roots. Incidentally, in the signature of an single person, this could be the sign of a difference of opinion with parents or elders in the family.
Now, you may ask: is this type of signature the only indicator pointing to some kind of strife between a woman and her husband?
The next step?
If you have a signature like that, bring your surname in the same line as as the first name. Apart from that, you will also need to make consicous efforts in order to improve your relationship with the spouse.
It would also be worth your time to understand if there are any unresolved issues between the two of you. And changing the signature will give you a huge headstart in the right direction.
Causes of undermining
One reason why a woman may undermine her husband is insecurity. When a woman feels insecure in the relationship or about herself, she may undermine her husband to feel more in control or to boost her self-esteem.
For example, a wife who feels threatened by her husband’s success at work may belittle his achievements or withhold praise to feel better about herself.
Another reason a woman may undermine her husband is control issues. When a woman feels that her husband is not meeting her expectations or needs, she may try to exert control over the relationship by undermining him.
For example, a wife who is unhappy with her husband’s choices of friends may spread rumors about them to get her husband to distance himself from them.
Power struggles can also cause a woman to undermine her husband. If a wife feels that her husband holds more power in the relationship or is more successful, she may try to undermine him to regain a sense of control.
For example, a wife may try to diminish her husband’s authority in front of their children to make herself feel more powerful.
Past trauma can also be a factor that contributes to a woman’s undermining behavior. If a woman has experienced trauma or abuse in the past, she may display behaviors that undermine her husband as a way of coping with her unresolved issues.
For example, a wife who has experienced emotional abuse may use undermining behavior as a defense mechanism to protect herself from being hurt again.
The final words
Undermining behaviour can cause significant damage to a relationship, and it’s essential to address the underlying issues to prevent further harm.
If you suspect that your wife is undermining you, it’s crucial to have a conversation with her to understand her behaviour and identify the underlying reasons behind it.
Communication is key, and seeking help from a professional counselor or therapist can assist in identifying the root cause of the behaviour and developing strategies to overcome it. By addressing the underlying reasons behind the behaviour and seeking help when needed, couples can work towards building a healthier and happier relationship.