One day last month, I was getting late for work and was hurriedly tying shoe laces in the living room. My father was watching TV and mom was in the kitchen. Even as I was busy with the shoe strings, I looked up at the TV screen to see what he was watching so attentively. It was a serial, in which a middle-aged man was running on treadmill, while his 25-something daughter sat on a bench waiting for him to finish.
I looked at my father and said: “I fail to understand why people watch these foolish serials. Do they ever make sense?”
He smiled at me and said: “Just shut up and rush. You’re getting late.”
After the snub, I sat on the sofa for some time as I waited for my mother to come out of the kitchen with my lunch box. The story in the serial was progressing. I was also watching it now. The man on the treadmill climbed down and sternly gave the girl a long lecture on why she should get married as early as possible. “It’s necessary to get married for an honourable life. If you don’t get married, how will I face the society?”
The girl was adamant. She walked up to him, looked into his eyes and declared: “I am NOT marrying, dad.”
The old man looked taken aback. He turned back and headed towards the door. His daughter then shouted: “Dad!” He stopped. She resumed: “From which floor did mom jump off to commit suicide — 13th or 15th?”
“From 13th. Why?” he said.
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“No, dad! She jumped off from the 12th floor. She was your wife for 10 years and you don’t remember which floor she jumped off from! And you are telling me why it’s necessary to get married! How ridiculous!”
Well… I left the room at that point in the episode. But the last few lines rang through my mind for some time. This portion of the serial definitely made sense. The girl was right.
Most people begin their married lives with hopes and dreams that could be summed up, to some extent, in the picture above. But often the fairy tale crumbles. Sometimes, it never even starts. It remains a dream, hidden in layers of the brain, recalled in the moments of sadness or introspection.
Apparently, the young girl in that serial was reluctant to marry because she had seen a failed relationship at home. Would she need a bigger reason to grow an aversion towards marriage? I doubt. Why would she want to get into a situation, which, she “knows”, will give her more pain than pleasure? Her fear was justified. Obviously, she did not want to do what her mom was forced to do.
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The subsequent episodes of the television serial might have revealed how she handled the situation. I don’t know what happened next. However, I know and have also seen that what she dreaded so much in reel life is part of many people’s real lives.
These days divorces are rife. Many people are living alone, their dreams shattered and their lives embittered. The cement that binds two people together seems to have turned into a third-grade cheap glue that easily comes unstuck. More and more relationships are failing and much of this failure is due to poor communication and conflicting ambitions and goals.
Last year, I met a housewife who was married for 12 years with a child. She told me she felt stuck in her marriage. Why?The woman summed up the whole marital problem in one line: “He hardly talks.”
She said most of the time her husband is in office, even on his off days. When he is at home, he is busy on phone and doesn’t talk to her. When she says something to him, he gives one-word answers. She wants to protest, but can’t, because though he does not talk, he hurls abuses. So, in order to maintain peace at home, she does not get aggressive.
I can’t take it any more. There is no emotional bonding at all. Because of the whole thing, even our bedroom life is mechanical and lifeless. I don’t know what to do. I think I should consider divorce or commit suicide. My baby is the most affected by the whole thing,” she said with tears.
I looked at their handwriting and figured out the cause behind the friction in their marital lives. The two had entirely different emotional make-up. While she was an open-minded and talkative person, her husband was an introvert who did not like to express. The conflict was but natural.
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The knee-jerk reaction to this story would be that the guy “does not care at all”. But is that correct? I don’t think so. One can be accused of this charge only when one knows how to care, but deliberately doesn’t. But what if one doesn’t know?
It’s a very tricky situation because the feeling that you are being taken care of is absolutely subjective. For you, a caress from your girlfriend would show she cares. For your friend, it might be an expensive gift. For your neighbour, it might be just a tight hug. Right?
Similarly, for the woman’s husband, the way to show care was leaving a lot of cash in the drawer. Yes, he did that. Now, can you really say he does not care at all? I doubt you won’t want to reconsider your opinion.
Any solution possible with graphology?
What’s the solution? Will the woman always have to be in the same situation for the rest of her life? Is separation the only plausible wayout? Can the science of handwriting analysis help? If yes, how?
Well, graphology can indeed do a compatibility test between two individuals before they get married. But that did not happen in this case. Now that two different individuals have been placed under the same roof, can the science try to ensure that the bitterness between them is systematically decimated? Can it be ensured that the couple gets back to a situation when love-making does not look like a tedious task?
Yes, graphology can. A handwriting analyst can present a snapshot of the entire personality of a person within 10 minutes and can make someone understand how his partner thinks, what she likes or dislikes, what makes her tick, what makes her happy and what will make her furious.
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The housewife was upset with her husband because she thought he was “not giving” her emotional satisfaction. “He does not understand me,” she feels. For her, it’s a valid reason to get angry. But does she understand him? Nope. Well, I helped her understand her husband in a better way. I told her how he thinks and what he feels. She then understood why her husband behaved in a particular way. Very good. But here is another more valid question: have all the compromises to be made by women only. NOPE!
I told her to arrange for my meeting with her husband. After initial reluctance, he agreed. Now, it was his turn to understand his wife. At the end of the session, the man was surprised that though they had spent 12 years under the same roof, he hardly knew her. He said he loved his wife and it was a “shocking” revelation for him because he did not know that she was even considering divorce and suicide.
I said: “Your may not know, sir, but it’s you who have been responsible for this. Would you ever have forgiven yourself if she had taken a drastic step? Probably no. However, you will be happy to know that the solution to the problem is also in your hands…”
The man valued the relationship, so he agreed to listen to me. You may get an impression that he easily understood everything. No. Convincing him was one hell of a task. He resisted. But I knew he was a man of reason, so I gave him logical explanations. He then understood what was in his interest and what he can do to improve things.
I assume you’ll like to know what suggestions were given to him. I can’t give the details here but I must tell you that the solution to their major problems lay in a few simple acts, such as calling her up just a couple of times in a day from office. The act, I told him, will make feel cared for and wanted. There were many other suggestions, which were meant for his ears only.
Similarly, I made his wife understand that just because he does not call, it does not mean that he does not care for her. Some people can talk, some can’t. So, she also has to understand how her husband thinks. There can’t be just a one-way traffic. The efforts have to be made from both sides.
The couple agreed to keep them flowing. They still fight, but now they understand each other more. I think that’s the first step to a fulfilling relationship. What do you think?